My 10 Painfully-Honest Pieces of Advice to a New Parent.
My younger brother is about to have a baby. He asked me for pieces of advice. I thought I'd share them here with everyone. Being a parent is a taboo. No one really tells you the truth. Well, here it is.
1. You are about to give up on pieces of yourself.
Your heart may expand, as they say, but your attention span does not. Once you have another human you are fully responsible for, you will not be able to achieve, focus, or leverage as much as before. Accept it.
2. There is no such a thing as 'unconditional love’.
When they scream, and throw things, and act as stupid little s**ts, you'd hate them. Even for a little while, but you'd do. Don't blame them, nor yourself. You still love them, but not right now.
3. When you’re mad with your kids, 95% of the times you are actually mad with something else.
It could be your wife (probably) or work (obviously), or at life (life is tough!). Simply remember, your kids are an easy target, don't throw at them the s**t you are dealing with.
4. You are enough, as is.
With kids, their being pushes you to achieve and become more. You want to provide more, give them more comfort & security. This means you work more, and are more distracted. The truth is, they know nothing about that. All they want & need, is you.
5. Choose only two: Clean House, Happiness, Sound-Mind.
There's this sacred triangle. You can't, unfortunately, have all three. A clean house with a sound-mind means unhappy kids because you chase them and restrict them all the time. I don't tell you what's right, but choose.
6. You and your wife come first.
Not a popular opinion, but I don't care. If you want your kids to be happy, you need to be happy. Like the oxygen mask on the plane, you put yours first. Make sure you two are taken care of, and happy. Don't give up yourself for them.
7. Use more than words to say 'I love you’.
Words are not enough with kids (and adults). Show them love with hugging, kissing, and joyful play. They need physical attention, and physically expressed love.
8. When you rush them, make sure you know why.
With kids, most of the times you’d want to finish things fast. Brushing their teeth, get ready to leave the house, go to bed. They take their time and you lose it. When you rush them, remember that this time with you means a lot.
9. It Is Easier to Build Strong Children than to Repair Broken Men.
This is your life's most difficult task. More difficult than the army, more difficult than marriage. It's tough, but you can't f**k this up. Love, discipline, and a role model is all they need.
10. When in doubt, ask: which people I want to add to this world.
It's not easy to figure out parenting and education. But when you don't know what to teach them, ask who you want them to be. Then, formulate the lessons accordingly. And the best lesson for them, is to see you.
