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Sun, Trees, and Water
I turned thirty-five last month, and with that I experienced an existential crisis. I came to the understanding that I had no idea what I am doing with my life, no idea where I am heading, and no idea who I really am. That along with the fact that I don’t believe I achieved what I hoped to be achieving by this age, or stage in my life.
As it fits to my personality, my actual birthday is the climax of each crisis I remember having. Maybe it’s the expectations that something ‘special’ must happen when I turn X, and if high expectations are what make the market irrational and dangerous, what can I say? It works on me too.
For the past year I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’m experiencing some sort of depression. Clinical or not, I have no idea, but I knew I was not myself. I get so easily upset by my two small kids, or anything for that matter. Every failure I experienced broke me in half, and I had some good share of self destructive thoughts.
But on the other hand, I was waking up to see the sun rise everyday. I was training five to six time a week, and I had a brilliant appetite (just ask my wife). Who knows then if I was depressed or just hitting my middle age crisis a bit earlier (for most of human history, the age thirty-five was middle age and than some).
